Mediterranean Lifestyle

What every Italian - American, and everyone with such a friend, knows

  • You spent your entire childhood thinking that sandwich was pronounced "sangwich.?
  • Your family dog understood Italian.
  • Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents and extended family.
  • You've experienced the phenomena of 150 people fitting into 50 square feet of yard during a family cookout.
  • You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three meals a day, not seven.
  • You ate pasta for dinner at least three times a week, and every Sunday.
  • You grew up thinking no fruit or vegetable had a fixed price and that the price of everything was negotiable through haggling.
  • You watched Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan every Sunday night.
  • You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.
  • You thought everyone's last name ended in a vowel.
  • You thought nylons were supposed to be worn rolled to the ankles.
  • You were surprised to find out that wine was actually sold in stores.
  • You never ate meat on Christmas Eve or any Friday for that matter.
  • You ate your salad after the main course.
  • You thought Catholic was the only religion in the world.
  • You were hit at least once with a wooden spoon.
  • You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your left hand.
  • You learned to play bocce before you went to school.
  • You can understand Italian but you can't speak it.
  • You have at least one relative who came over on the boat.
  • You grew up calling the bathroom the baccausa.  And you only had one.
  • You were surprised to learn most kitchen utensils had another name which didn't end in a vowel.
  • All of your uncles fought in a World War.
  • You have at least one relative who wore a black dress every day for an entire,year after a funeral.
  • You have relatives who aren't really your relatives.
  • You have relatives you don't speak to.
  • You drank wine before you were a teenager.
  • You grew up in a house with a yard that didn't have one patch of dirt that didn't have a flower or a vegetable growing out of it.
  • Your grandparent's furniture was as comfortable as sitting on plastic.
    What?!!!  You WERE sitting on plastic.  You thought that talking loud was normal.
  • You thought cookies and the Tarantella were common at all weddings.
  • You thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and had money stuffed in their pockets by their relatives.
  • Your mother is overly protective of the males in the family, no matter what their age.
  • Every lunchmeat you ate ended in a vowel.
  • There was a crucifix in every room of the house, including the cellar.
  • There was a saint somewhere in the yard.
  • Boys didn't do house work because it was women's work.
  • You couldn't date a boy without getting approval from your father.
  • You know what lemon ice is.
  • You called pasta limacaroni."
  • You have at least one irrational fear or phobia that can be attributed to your mother.

- UNKNOWN

 

"A sense of humor, and sharing that humor, is an important part of this life-style; and it is also a great stress-reliever.  See the section entitled "A Bit Of Whimsey" in our medical web-site (www.asthma-drsprecace.com) to help attack girth with mirth"

Contact a friend today. Share a recipe. Walk...don?t ride. Count your blessings!

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Lifestyle... Issue 0510-01

October 13, 2005

 Sunday Dinner for Italians...

 
Italians have a $40,000. kitchen, but use the $259 stove from Sears in the basement to cook.
 
There is some sort of religious statue in the hallway, living room, bedroom, front porch and backyard.
 
The living room is filled with old wedding favors with poofy net bows and stale almonds (they are too pretty to open).
 
A portrait of the Pope and Frank Sinatra in the dining room.
 
God forbid if anyone EVER attempted to eat Chef Boy-are-dee, Franco American, Ragu, Prego or anything else in a jar or can (tomato paste is the exception).
 
Meatballs are made with Pork, Veal and Beef. We are Italians, we don't care about cholesterol.
 
Turkey is served on Thanksgiving, AFTE R the manicotti, gnocchi, lasagna and soup.
 
If anyone EVER says ES-CAROLE, slap 'em in the face -- it's SHCAROLE.
 
If they ever say ITALIAN WEDDING SOUP, let the idiot know that there is no wedding, nor is there an Italian in the soup. Also, the tiny meatballs must be made by hand.
 
No matter how hard you know you were going to get smacked, you still came home from church after communion, you stuck half a loaf of bread in the sauce pot, snuck out a fried meatball and chowed down you'll make up for it next week at confession.
 
Sunday dinner was at 1:00. The meal went like this... Table is set with everyday dishes...doesn't matter if they don't match...they're clean, What more do you want? All the utensils go on the right side of the plate and the napkin goes on the left. Put a clean kitchen towel at Nonna & Papa's plate because they won't use napkins. Homemade wine and bottles of 7up are on the table. First course, Antipasto...change plates. Next, Macaroni (Nonna called all spaghetti Macaroni)...change plates. After that, Roasted Meats, Roasted Potatoes, Over-cooked Vegetables... change plates. THEN and only then (NEVER AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEAL) would you eat the salad (HOMEMADE OIL &VINEGAR DRESSING ONLY)...change plates. Next, Fruit &Nuts - in the shell (on paper plates because you ran out of the other ones). Coffee with Anisette (Espresso for Nonno, "Merican" coffee for the rest) with hard Cookies (Biscottis) to dip in the coffee. The kids go play...the men go to lay down. They slept so soundly you could perform brain surgery on them without anaesthesia..the women clean the kitchen.
 
Getting screamed at by Mom or Nonna - half the sentence was English, the other half Italian.
 
Italian mothers never threw a baseball in their life, but can nail you in the head with a shoe thrown from the kitchen while you're in the living room.
 
Prom Dress that Zia Ceserina made you...$20.00 for material. Prom hair-do from Cousin Angela...$Free. Turning around at prom to see your entire family (including Godparents) standing in the back of the gym... PRICELESS!
 
The true Italians will love this, those of you who are married to Italians will understand this, and those of you who are friends with Italians will remember and will forward it to their Italian friends.

 


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